Month 7: Evidence of Affection

So with this whole 'graduation' thing seems to come getting jobs. And some of my friends are getting jobs that aren't in Vancouver (ie Toronto). We were talking about what that does to a relationship. Long distance sucks. I know this. I will never EVER do long distance again unless I'm absolutely positive beyond a doubt in my mind that it's right. I was thinking about what I would do if I was in that position. Mainly what I'd do about James. So, I figured, there's no better way than to ask him. So I did. I don't know if the answer surprised me or not. After posing the theoretical question, he said that he'd be reluctant to join me. Now, I can take this one of two ways. The first way is obvious - that he doesn't love me enough to come with me. The second is a bit more subtle. I'd bet he's scared. Now the problem is, I don't know what he's scared of. We went to the car show yesterday and, as soon as he got comfortable with Mark and his girlfriend, James became affectionate. He put his arm around me a number of times and even held my hand (trust me this is impressive) as we were walking around. I was thinking to myself "dude, what the hell is going on he just took my hand". And then tonight. We ended up at Cleveland Dam. After walking along the dam we stood on a hill and looked out over the reservoir. James stood behind me, wrapped his arms around my shoulders and just held me. Again, I inwardly freaked out. He's always (always = since Seattle) very affectionate when we're making out but he's rarely affectionate when we're in public. I'm really confused. It makes me wonder if he actually is falling for me and doesn't know what to do with those feelings. It's nice but it's odd. Oh, and we hit the damn glass ceiling again. I really have to fix that.

Graduation smaduation ... or is it?

Hey look, a post not about James.

It looks like I'm going to graduate. Graduation. How ... odd. I'll be the first of my group of friends to do it. The first of my siblings. Only the third in my extended family. It's one of those things that you just never really think about. Until now. When I have to order tickets, pictures, gowns (I refuse to wear the hat). It's just a piece of paper, right? I don't know. I'm not sure how I feel about this whole 'graduation' thing. I guess that's why I'm going back. I'm totally not ready to enter the real world and have to go and get a job. I know how to do the whole 'school' thing. I'm good at it. It's safe. I don't know how to have a job. At least nothing more than a summer job. And, really, that doesn't count. So maybe it's a cowardly move. But a cowardly move that's going to earn me more money at the end. This graduation thing all seems a bit silly if you ask me. I am kind of interested about the hood though. One thing is for sure. There will definitely be partying after.